So… turns out I’m rocking the deluxe neurospicy combo: ADHD and Autism. 🌶🧠✨ Hello, AuDHD.
This isn’t new — it’s just newly named. For the first time in my life, I finally have language for things I’ve always felt but couldn’t explain. And let me tell you, it makes so much sense.
Basically, my brain is like a gym run by squirrels.
One’s deadlifting my to-do list.
Another’s skating laps while blasting 90s pop.
A couple are hanging from my hot pink pull-up bar.
And one very determined squirrel is reorganizing my protein bars by flavor, density, and texture.
From the outside, I might look like I’m cruising along — I show up, I smile, I power through.
Inside? It’s sensory overload soup, hyperfocus marathons, and an emotional rollercoaster that never got inspected by safety.
Do I have other diagnoses? Most of us AuDHDers do…my DSM spells out like alphabet soup, but like most neurodivergents, I live in a constant, heightened state of anxiety…that comes along with using an extra 42% of your brain I’m learning. Also, existing in a world that’s made for neurotypicals is hard, painful, and exhausting…that creates trauma and depression. If you need to talk, please reach out, also Sol Smith has an excellent Neurospicy Community where you can find lots of folks just like us!!! It’s at https://www.skool.com/neurospicy
💥 What AuDHD Feels Like for Me
- ADHD: “Let’s sign up for a new training plan, buy three planners, rearrange the gym, and design and create matching T-shirts… all before lunch.”
- Autism: “Let’s eat the same safe food for months, wear the comfy hoodie again, avoid loud places, and cling to routines that feel safe.”
- Me: Standing in the kitchen, staring into the fridge, forgetting why I opened it — while rehearsing a conversation for the 47th time that I’ll never actually send.
🔥 The Challenges (Extra Crispy)
- Executive dysfunction: I want to do the thing. I see the thing. My brain says, “Not today.”
- Sensory overload: Bright lights, loud noises, scratchy fabrics = meltdown starter pack.
- Emotional regulation: Picture a rollercoaster. Now set it on fire. Add glitter. That’s me.
- Masking: Acting “normal” for decades. Like running a marathon in a costume nobody else can see.
- Impulse spending guilt: Bought the shiny thing. Didn’t need the shiny thing. Staring at the shiny thing. Regret.
💛 The Things That Spark Joy
- Movement. Lifting, skating, hiking, biking — when my brain feels scrambled, moving my body pulls me back into place.
- Nature. The canyon, the trails, the sunrise — I don’t just walk through it, I absorb it. Touch the rocks, breathe the air, pause for every shift of light.
- Adventure. Training for challenges, chasing PRs, setting wild goals — chaos becomes fuel.
- Music & Singing. Cranking up a song, belting out lyrics (sometimes way too loudly), feeling it in my whole body — it’s joy, regulation, and rebellion all at once.
So Here’s the Deal
If I cancel plans last minute, go radio silent, hyperfocus on something random, sing way too loud in the car, or blurt out something weird then instantly cringe — just know I’m doing my best.
To those who’ve stuck with me: thank you.
To those trying to understand: thank you.
And to my brain: you’re loud, chaotic, and wonderful — and you deserve snacks and a nap.
If any of this sounds familiar, or if you’re figuring yourself out too, you’re not alone. We’re all learning how to live with our squirrels — one rep, one note, one sunrise at a time.
With love (and probably a song stuck in my head),
Kaci’s Ramblings Home 
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